watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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