I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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