Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
