I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
