need another drink. this is the easiest way
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
