I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
