Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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