I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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