i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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