Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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