everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
