Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
