i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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