Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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