Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
