I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize