you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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