o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
