Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
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