Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
