She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
