She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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