I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize