I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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