ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
