I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
