i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
