i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize