He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
