you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
