careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
