can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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