i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
