I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
is that a dick in a sweater?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
