hell yes lets make some ravioli
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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