When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
