maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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