dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
