ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
