I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
