I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
