Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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