he wants to bone in the snuggie
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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