My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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