I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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