how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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