I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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