it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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