I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
