it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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