dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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