he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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