So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
