Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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