how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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