I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
