Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
