We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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