we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
