Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
