It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
