so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
