I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
