She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
