What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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