she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
