i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
