i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
