I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
