Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
