End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
