Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
