Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
