I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
