i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize