why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
