see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
