11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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