Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
