so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
