I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
