you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
