okay pat passed out under dana's car
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
