I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize